I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
