is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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