Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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