i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The air was thick with penises
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
