Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
