The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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