My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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