Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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