listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
