Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
