Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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