i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
