I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
