I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
