you guys were way drunker than both of me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
