That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
