i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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