I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
