i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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