Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
