We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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