i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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