Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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