oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
