He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
