She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
