Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
