You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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