Your mouth is God's brothel.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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