Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
