is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
