only you would photoshop your dick
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
