He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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