I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
