haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
