Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They took my balls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
