oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
