if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
