So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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