the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
