theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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