Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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