Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
