Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
