do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
