Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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