Umm I'm too high to move.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
