we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
