i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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