Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
