he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
