Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
